1. |
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“Would you look at that" my dad says casually, as a black bird sat not a foot away studying our faces while staring from the overhang. Your tracks stopped, as I turned to meet your gaze, I couldn't read your face for the next three minutes.
How are you making out this year? Had to move in with your dad, nearly hitting thirty. Couldn't hide that it's hurting. And no one’s asked how you’ve been. How’ve you been?
Cause there's a bush down by the path you take. It leads up to a parking gate where you wish you could steal that kiss from that girl you couldn't talk to. This silence has got you afraid.
This shouldn't be your life. And no one has asked if you’ve been happy in years because we all know the answer. I wish I could still hear.
How are you making out this year? Had to move in with your dad, nearly hitting thirty. Couldn't hide that it's hurting. And no one has asked how you’ve been. ‘Cause we all know the answer. I wish I could still hear the bird.
There’s a bush down by the path you take. It leads up to a parking gate, where you wish you could steal that kiss from that girl you couldn’t talk to... this silence... it shouldn’t be yours.
No one has asked if you’ve been happy in years.
There’s a bush down by the path you take it leads up to that parking gate, where you wish you could steal that...
Steal that...
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2. |
Lazy Talker
02:35
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Maybe I’ll be coming back to life this year.
I realized the best times of my life were wondering how you’d prove to me the gods are alive on every world (except for this one). So it’s funny that no one’s asked how I’ve been this year.
I resist: putting that cigarette to my lips, someone I can be silent with. I’ve had a great time losing interest in everything that made me live.
I think about the time I felt my heart stop, bedding stuck to my sweating body. I should have died alone, days before anyone would find me. And I always said I was sad, when I was actually lonely. Don’t tell your gods if you’re finally happy.
I resist putting that cigarette to my lips, someone I can be silent with, I’ve had a great time losing interest in everything that made me live.
I'm a fill in the blank. I'm a lazy talker. I'm “maybe another summer”. I'm the Flatwoods monster. I’m.. I’m a little louder. I'm “maybe another summer”. I'm.. I’m the Flatwoods monster. I'm a lazy talker.
I can’t believe I saw my self in you.
If talk myself out of this, will I? I can’t kill my self! If I stage a double suicide, will I? I can’t kill my self!? They say be the change you wanna see, but I can’t go around killing everybody.
Every day feels exactly the same, I’m just waiting for someone to clean up this mess that’s me.
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3. |
My Third Death This Year
02:58
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We became the things we used to laugh and joke about, all the things we said we'd never be. You laughed when I said I loved you because you didn’t hear me properly.
You used to make me laugh about myself. About dumb things. That’s how I knew this couldn’t last, how could it last? It couldn’t last.
I knew it wouldn't work out when I told you I loved you and you never asked why. You said the best parts of my person were the parts I never realized.
You said you’d find a way to die. When they finally came for me, that’s when you realized you said you’d stop the train or the traffic so at least your death would affect somebody.
You used to make me laugh about myself. About dumb things. That’s how I know this couldn’t last. How could it last? It couldn’t last.
An itemized list of things I have to do today: Kill myself just trying to keep up with you. Everything that you said meant everything to me. Knowing you meant everything to me.
I saw you on the tracks. I thought you were an ass though.
A couple times a year, they close the station doors just to make everyone complain “Who threw themselves at the train?”
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4. |
Interlude
00:51
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When things don't work out, I become a boy again. Just playing games with people. And I’m sitting outside. Just waiting. Waiting to see if anyone comes.
And if they do, it's never the person I was hoping for.
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5. |
Distances / Smokes
03:23
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I play a game where I see how many mean things I can write during my all night shift at the restaurant. Didn’t think I’d still be here at 25.
I’ve been arguing in my head. Nothing changes but nothing stays the same.
I came over cause it’s something that I used to do. Had always given myself to you, even though I was seeing someone new. It gets better man, it gets better.
I still hope that you'll reappear, ‘cause everything that you left behind is still here. It couldn't last but how do you think you would have made out this year?
Random acts of hopelessness, I'm too old for this. Judging distances with smoke. I quit ‘cause I’m too broke but four cigarettes isn’t too far to go.
I’ve been arguing in my head.
I came over cause it’s something that I used to do. Had always given myself to you, even though I was seeing someone new. It gets better man, it gets better.
I don’t know where I stand, I’m not quite a joke but I’m not quite a man. Just waiting for someone's hands to clean up this mess you planned.
Now I know that you meant it. We all knew that you planned it. Now I know that you meant it. You said you’d stop the train or the traffic.
You used to complain that no one would ever love you. Well fuck you, ‘cause I did. And I think you secretly liked it, being crushed like this. You were the stronger of us though, so of course you’d be the first to go.
Now I know that you meant it. We all knew that you planned it. Now I know that you meant it, you said you’d stop the train or the traffic.
I came over cause it’s something that I used to do, had always given myself to you.
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6. |
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Why don't I miss you like the things I used to? You made me laugh, I looked at you. Why didn't you laugh too?
I cared, it doesn’t really show enough. And I’m scared ‘cause everybody knows what’s up. They’re standing in circles talking about you just like you wanted them to.
I wanna know, did your life flash before your eyes? And if it did, what did you realize? I live too selfishly, you were always judging me.
Why don't I miss you like the things I used to? You made me laugh, I looked at you. Why didn't you laugh too?
Even if you weren’t gone you’d still feel the same, you were buried wearing it on your face. They say this is how it’s supposed to be, yeah. I don’t necessarily agree.
Remember the year you spent in bed? Waking up to see your whole family surrounding you. Nothing is more depressing than coming to, and wondering who will take care of you.
If I knew then what I know now, I would take comfort in the fact that we all die alone one day.
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Air Combat Vancouver, British Columbia
Air Combat is the product of successes, failures, hopes, fears and dreams. The result of a stubborn refusal to give into obstacles and the tendency to always come back swinging.
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